that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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