I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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