hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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