I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
