Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
