Are we in a gay sports bar?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
