end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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