i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
