Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
