One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
