before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
