Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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