I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
