At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
