i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
