i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
