I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
