Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You were trust falling into bushes
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
