It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
