either way he was missing a nipple.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
