At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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