I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
