I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
