did you get engaged???
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
