My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
