Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
