I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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