I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Drunk is not a location!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
