arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
