to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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