and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
