Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
