i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
