omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
