i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Green mimosas i think yes
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
