I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
