Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
