I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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