i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
