This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
