i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
