Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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