you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
