Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
