how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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