It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
