I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
