My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
then he tried to convert me to islam
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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