Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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