Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
