she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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